So, I finally got it. The Denon AKDL1 link cable.

I had to rob several old ladies so I could run up the necessary $500 for the Denon AKDL1 dedicated link cable, but it was worth it. The sound quality of my gramaphone is so greatly enhanced that I can’t even remember to tie my shoes in the morning. One small problem though, whenever I touch both ends of the cable at once, I can see horrible visions of the future. These visions can be highly disturbing, and I have been tempted to strangle myself with the AKDL1 so I can avoid experiencing these future events. Thank-you denon for a truly noteworthy and reasonably priced link cable.